We’ve heard that high expectations lead to disappointment but we’ve also heard you get what you wish for in life, so what should you be hoping for out of your relationship.
Have you ever been told that if you lower your expectations you’re more likely to be pleasantly surprised instead of disappointed? And have you ever applied this to your relationship? Or perhaps you’ve talked a friend through a bad date, that actually wasn’t that bad, and thought that while your bestie deserves a great partner, she might need to lower her expectations in order to find and keep one?
Some therapists warn against having high expectations because it leads to resentment. But is it as clear-cut as that?
The answer is a resounding no.
In my past work with clients, those who’ve felt they deserve little, and had low expectations of what a good relationship should be like, generally experienced just that- a partner who’s treated them poorly and a relationship that...
The practice of marriage spans thousands of years, with the first recorded evidence of a marriage ceremony between one man and one woman dating to 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia. Unsurprisingly, there are a vast array of opinions on what makes a marriage successful. But much of traditional wisdom is not based on fact, and can even be harmful to your relationship. This post explores four common pieces of advice that can lead couples astray.
Never go to bed angry.
This saying has become cliched, exalted in home decoration signs, wedding vows, and song lyrics. It seems to make sense on the surface, after all, many of us end up lying in bed and thinking about better responses we could have made, nitpicking over what our partner said in the heat of the moment, and being too emotionally wound up to peacefully drift off.
But this well-meaning advice can make couples feel pressured to solve their problem before bed, and if they can’t, they’ve failed. Not only is the pressure...