How women inadvertently train their men not to be helpful.

nikki's blog Sep 04, 2019


These days so many women get caught up in the duel demands of work and running a house that they forget how to do something that’s so fundamental in helping them get support from the man by their side.

How can something so obvious be so easy to forget!?!

This short video will tell you

·      exactly what it is

·      the ways it affects us that we’re not even aware of

·      and what to do about it.


Don't beat yourself up : -) It's human nature, we’re so quick to forget what we most need to remember.

If you want more information on the 5 positives to every negative that I breifly mention in this video (which is vital to the success of any relationship) it's what I'm going to make my next vlog about so please stay tuned or sign up for my newsletter and you'll receive it automatically.

Until next time; keep it real.

With light and love,



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One of the worst things we as women do to our men.

nikki's blog Aug 26, 2019

One of the worst things we as women do to our men is something I call ‘defining their reality’. We don't even know we're doing it and it gets us in so much trouble.

It looks something like this “because you did X it must mean Y”.

Here’s an example; Gina and Rob were in my office, they’d had a better week but Gina quickly started to get upset “you didn’t even give me a card yesterday for Valentine’s day, that’s how much you care for me!” Rob didn’t say anything, he just looked at Gina but by the look on his face I could tell he was angry. After a long silence I asked “What’s going on for you right now Rob?”. “Last year we had a horrible Valentine’s day, I’d upset her by not writing enough in the card I got for her and the meal we paid way too much for was awful. Gina was so upset, said she’d rather just forget about Valentine’s day as it was often such a set up for...

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The Truth about Women's Libidos...

nikki's blog Sep 05, 2018

Lack of libido or female sexual arousal disorder (FSAD) as it’s technically known, is a common reason women consult with me. This can happen at any age and for a variety of different reasons. 

While anthropologically it is suggested that men have higher libidos than women, in my practice I am consistently seeing the ravages of stress, ill-health and relationship problems, on men’s libidos too.

 However today's vlic is about women and there are so many reasons why women of any age can be affected by female sexual arousal disorder. 

Many women didn’t come from families who were comfortable with helping them create healthy sexual identities and as a result haven’t really learned how to enjoy their own sexuality, especially independently. If you don’t become aware of how your body works and what turns you on most, it’s more difficult to then guide your partner towards truly satisfying sex in the long-term. As a result, many women...

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If you know someone's being cheated on do you tell them?

nikki's blog Jan 31, 2018


I was recently asked by a journalist to share my thoughts regarding whether we should spill the beans to someone, when we know they’re being cheated on. Those of us who value honesty above all else (and are often comfortable with conflict or even seek it out) will say “absolutely” and will do it regardless of the cost. On the other end of the spectrum those who value an easy life (and are often conflict avoidant) say “No, why stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong”. My answer to that question, like many of life’s dilemmas is, “it depends”.

Firstly let’s clarify what constitutes an affair. An affair isn’t just about a sexual indiscretion, it’s also about secrets, intimacy and the destruction of trust. I help couples who seek me out in the aftermath of an affair to co-construct it’s definition. Looking for a less pejorative way to describe each partners’ situation, I use the terms...

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Sorry seems to be the hardest word.   

nikki's blog Oct 23, 2017
In the immortal words of Elton John, sorry really does seem to be the hardest word.

Please click here if you'd rather listen than watch.

The topic of todays’s Blog is without a doubt one of the most important things we can learn to do properly, if we are going to have good relationships. In fact I would go as far as to say it would be pretty impossible to have a well-balanced and meaningful relationship without knowing how to do it, and do it well.

I remember learning about why saying sorry was so important and how to do it properly and the power and freedom it brought me was enormous, and I want to share that with you today.

In my work with couples there’s often one of them who feels like they’re the one who’s always saying sorry, and that usually the only way to fix things between them is to apologise. In fact oftentimes the reason that they end up coming to see me, is because that person has stopped doing it, they just got so fed up with...

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